#18: Three Strategies to Help You Tackle Difficult Conversations

Often, we avoid having difficult conversations with people because we don't know what to say, we fear their reaction and we worry it will affect our relationship. But as HR Professionals and leaders we often need to have these types of conversations. The good news is there are things you can do to make it easier! In this episode, I am sharing my three favourite strategies to help you tackle your most difficult conversations.

 

Here are my three strategies for tackling your next Difficult Conversation:

1. Remove any judgment words or terms and stick to the facts.
2. Have a clear goal and intent for your conversation.
3. Be curious and open to hearing the other person's perspective.

Here is a summary of the episode:

 

• [02:48] - One of the biggest mistakes people make when they engage in difficult conversations is that they don't plan and consider the language they use. It can have an immediate impact on the reaction the other person. I share an example of how this sounds.
• [04:19] - Judgement terms are also problematic to maintaining good relationships and it can erode trust. Judgment terms are works like; good, bad, irresponsible, unprofessional, etc. These terms can be perceived differently by different people.
• [05:29] - Generalized descriptions open you up to have the details debated and it is also isn't accurate and thus you look dramatic.
• [06:26] - The antidote for this is to stick to the facts. Share what is bothering your or what the behaviour is and use dates, times and specific examples. When you use facts there is little to argue about. Then you can get on with solving the problem. One way to ensure this happens is to script out your statement at the beginning of the conversation and check for this type of language.
• [07:52] - The second strategy is to have a clear goal or intent. Plan it ahead of time. Figure out what your intent is for the conversation. Why is it necessary to bring this up? What is the impact this behaviour or event is having? What do you hope to accomplish?
• [08:32] - If your only intent is to make the other person feel bad you may want to re-think having the conversation or your goal. Make sure this is clear and that you articulate it to them.
• [09:31] - It is also important to be realistic about what you can accomplish a single conversation.
• [11:12] - The third strategy is about being curious and open to other people's perspective. This can be difficult for many people because we have thought about the scenario prior to the conversation and often we have tried to rationalize in our mind why the person is behaving a certain way. But this is usually not based in reality. This causes us to go into the conversation expecting a certain response. This removes our ability to hear the other person.
• [12:21] - In order to really understand the other person you should be open and willing to hear what they have to say. Be clear about the problem, your intent and then....be quiet.
• [13:02] - The only way to give someone space to share their perspective and understand them is to listen and that requires you to be quiet. Avoid the desire to explain over them or cut them off. Give them lots of space and time to be heard. You can do this by asking open-ended questions and reframing and rephrasing what they are saying.
• [14:07] - Open ended questions and probes give them time to speak, but also gives you time to think about where to take the conversation or how to respond to what they are saying.
• [15:05] - Arguing with the other person's perspective is going to damage your relationship and will prevent you from reaching your goal for the conversation.
• [17:04] - When the other person feels heard they will be more willing to work with you, take responsibility and work on the relationship.

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We are coming to a close on Season 1 of The HR Mentor. After Episode 20 airs I will be taking a break to focus on preparing for Season 2, which will go live in January 2021. As a thank-you to you for listening I want to give you an opportunity to ask me any questions you have about your career search, your HR Career, your HR role or anything in between. I will even take questions about me as long as they aren't too personal!

 

You can email me your questions at melanie@unicorngroup.ca or DM me on LinkedIn. I can't wait to see what you ask! Question will be accepted until October 20th so don't wait.