Thursday Oct 08, 2020

#17: Overcoming Self-Doubt

Most high achieving professionals have experienced bouts of self-doubt or what is often referred to as imposter syndrome. People who, despite external recognition and even accolades from others, they doubt their own abilities and success. This can not only hold them back from taking on new goals, but it can also cause a lot of anxiety, stress, guilt and low self-esteem. In this episode I share some simple strategies that have helped me keep my self-doubt in check when I set big goals.

Here are my six strategies:

Take action
Get honest feedback
Swim in your own lane
Engage with a mentor or coach
Reframe your limiting beliefs
Self/Care

Here is a summary of the episode:

[02:10] - I share the two instances in my career where I felt the most self-doubt or like an imposter. Starting this podcast, and beginning a new corporate role that was new to me and the organization.
[04:14] - The first strategy is take action. I always feel better when I take some steps towards a goal when I have a lot of fear or doubt about it. Sometimes this is as simple as asking someone about what you are worried about. I share the example of holding back on applying for a promotion.
[05:51] - Taking action can also look like conducting research, taking a course or otherwise educating and informing yourself.
[07:56] - The second strategy is to get some feedback. Make sure, however, that you are getting the right feedback. I share some advice from Dr. Tasha Eurich. She says the right people are not unloving critics or uncritical lovers. "Unloving critics are the type of people who would criticize everything we do: a jealous co-worker, an ex with a grudge, or an irrationally uptight boss." On the other hand, " uncritical lovers wouldn’t criticize us if their lives depended on it. This group can include both people who think we walk on water and can do no wrong (eg) our moms and those who are afraid to tell us the truth."
[09:27] - So who should we ask? Loving critics, who are "people who will be honest with us while still having our best interests at heart."
[09:51] - What should you get feedback on? The key is to be specific about what you would like feedback on. It should be specific to your role if you are having doubts about that or if it's your job search ask for feedback on specific aspects of your job search. For example if it's your interview skills, ask an interviewer if your answers are detailed enough or perhaps even too detailed. Don't just ask how you are doing or how you did on specific task?
[11:06] - One of the ways I overcame my self-doubt about my facilitation and teaching skills was to get feedback from my audience. I share an example of how I did this with my students when I first started teaching.
[12:42] - My third strategy is swim in your own lane and do your homework. I apply this in two ways. Number 1, focus more on you and what you are doing rather than comparing yourself to other people and their journey. This can amplify your self-doubt. You are on your own journey and it's perfectly yours!
[14:34] - The second version of swim in your own lane comes from Gary V. He says that he is confident in what he says to other people is because he sticks to what he knows. He doesn't talk about things he is not an expert in. This has also helped me. I stick to what I know when I teach and through this podcast. I am trying to be an expert in everything. Swimming in your own lane can help you feel more confident and less doubtful about your abilities and knowledge.
[17:56] - The fourth way to reduce your self-doubt is to engage with a mentor or a coach. Mentors share their own experiences and guide and support you in your career. Coaches will help you navigate change and reach your goals. They offer an outside and objective perspective. Both can helpful.
[19:27] - If you are interested in mentoring, check out your local CPHR association to see if they have an HR Mentoring program. If you are interested in coaching, visit the International Coaching Federation website to search for a coach in your area. If you are looking for a career coach you may also want to connect with my colleague Yasir Khan who offers these services. Or email me at melanie@unicorngroup.ca and I will let you know how I can help you.
[20:43] - My fifth strategy is to work on shifting your limiting beliefs. These are any messages we tell ourselves that are in opposition to what we want. Reframing these can help empower and motivate your to move forward. These reminders can also create positive energy around your goals and thus help you achieve them. Check out episode 2 of this podcast for a complete process to shift your limiting beliefs. The show notes also include a handy worksheet to help you.
[23:02] - The sixth and final strategy is to practice self-care. Some of the outcomes of self-doubt are anxiety, stress and feeling badly about yourself. This can really hold you back. Practicing good self-care can help you move past those feelings. Some of my favourite ways are to exercise, eat well, meditate and laugh and be with people who make you feel good.

Here are some helpful links:

You can learn more about Dr. Tasha Eurich and her work here. Her book Insight has been particularly helpful to me.
If Shifting Your Limiting Beliefs sounds like it would be helpful be sure to go back and listen to Episode 2: Shift Your Limiting Beliefs .

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We are coming to a close on Season 1 of The HR Mentor. After Episode 20 airs I will be taking a break to focus on preparing for Season 2, which will go live in January 2021. As a thank-you to you for listening I want to give you an opportunity to ask me any questions you have about your career search, your HR Career, your HR role or anything in between. I will even take questions about me as long as they aren't too personal!

You can email me your questions at melanie@unicorngroup.ca or DM me on LinkedIn. I can't wait to see what you ask!

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